its been long...

this is real long that i've update all these isn't it? haha...
thinking and thinking again and again...
Should i remove this blog here? or should i not?

i dun know why but i still click on some sites to check out about some stuff... it seems so natural and perhaps it was a habit that i use to do so? i dun know why...

why not let me come up with something for all these while... i have already stop alot of things ever since things changed...

its been long that i've never taken any photo...
its been long that i've never blog...
its been long that i've never think about stuff that i shouldn't...
its been long that i've never get in touch with alot of things...

i miss all of them... my friends... my brothers... my happening times with the ones i love during secondary school times... i miss them so much... and they seems to disappear and left me out... and its only a few that i've keep in touch with... i felt like so useless and feeling down... thinking of how i always talk to them about stuff... and those days where i would hang on with the phone for hours... conferencing and cracking jokes... they seems to be gone...

becoz of one thing... i neglected the others... i found out all these while... its only me... all the while... being out there alone... i didn't notice till today where i really sit down and think about my life... my brothers... my friends... how many really left whose really bonded... 5? less than 5? sigh... they didn't really know wad happen and didn't really care... becoz they're busy? becoz they can't be bothered? sigh.. why?! i still manage to take that initiative to start the conversation... but they just seems to forget about me... HAA! wads left for me? am i expecting too much? or am i being a nuissance of myself?

met vivien a few days ago... had my lunch with her and talk rots alot(((: i enjoy my conversation with her(: never had a chance to talk so much with someone who really can talk to ever since months ago... but seriously... vivien... when i talk to you... i'll slowly link the conversation to her*... i'm sorry that i showed you the video in my phone which i know i shouldn't have:S but i hope u keep it a secret between you and me alright? please?(: becoz you're close to her... and i dun actually wanna say all these:S but well, its alright... i trust you(: becoz i know she won't see my blog also... and yups(: perhaps as wad i've said, you're her friend... and thats why in anyway, my head will eventually think of her... :S i'm sorry... yes... you're right(: i would have deleted it... and yet my head will still have it floating... but all these while, i know my limits and i've given up on myself on doing somethings... i've given up on pursuing for things i eagerly want for... and i've given up the fighting spirit for certain things in life...

and a few days ago... do u know i actually receive a message from her? asking for shuxian's phone number... i mean why me? when u know cheryl, timothy, christopher, etc from your own school? well, baby was beside me... he said, whose that? becoz he saw the number is unknown... and well, i told him its her* and baby was shock too! the pad he gave me really feel like lying on his shoulder... becoz the comfort from him was so warm and touching... haha... but no worries... we're not GAY. i was at his house... ya... then we manage to talk about it... and sort things out... i ask him, should i reply further more... but yet, he said... why reply more than something unneccesary when she's just asking one thing only? well, and the next message she replied was "thks."... so baby was telling me... so wad are you gonna reply? welcome.??? then she's gonna reply with something else and i'm gonna say, no problem...??? isn't that crazy?

in the end, i left baby's house and reply her by asking why me? But i find that i shouldn't have asked... becoz the answer was cold enough to hurt things again... ha! how silly am i... HA! well, manage to stop myself from entering the cold woods... and shut myself out of the message inbox place... i knew i shouldn't have said more... but i still do wad i knew i shouldn't... being dumb? being stupid... ha. i just dun wanna think about it anymore. being pissed with myself only... dun wanna know whether you're single or not. becoz no matter who u are now... i'll only tell myself that you're just... a person.

turning away.

i'm just a big whine* afterall.