oh my shit!!!!!!!!!!!

- forcing myself to smile:) but i still manage to smile:)

today woke up at 10am. there was a lion dancing in my living room... it was the chinese new year lion! lols. some kinda good luck thing bahz... well, after that clean up and rest awhile till noon... i went out to meet jun rong. then went on to hui min's house to visit him for chinese new year:) then, stay at his house till 9pm... had steamboat and stuff with all the classmates(hui min, jun rong, timothy, kelvin, louis, benjamin, belinda, yvonne & li min) had lotsa fun playing blackjack with them:) lols... then, everyone was looking at my finger... it was your name... "KYMBERLY" on my black coated ring... they ask, wa!!! so sweet! well, guess wad? stupid me left the house and we went out to have supper at serangoon garden at cafe cartel! and after that, mum and dad came over to fetch me... and when i reach home... my ring was gone! i also dun know where i lose it! i didn't wear it and i left it in my pocket becoz i'm afraid i might scratch it and damn it! now i lost it! SHIT! guess i have to find my dad's car tml to see whether is it in his car or hui min's house... if unlucky, i think i lose it in the cab on the way to seragoon garden...

well, i sms u, but u didn't reply, read ur blog, was kinda angry, but i understand that u didn't want to react that way. well, it was my fault for everything... and i can't even keep a simple ring by my side. i'm stupid fool.... i know she's gonna be disappointed with me again... and reading ur blog, i feel sad... u said u didn't feel me... u didn't sense the love... well, do u think i forget u? do u think i can? do u think i can simply forget about u when u're away? let me tell u... i have never! forget u... but perhaps, u're the one that doesn't think of me... coz u said u had no feelings... do u think i went to visit my frens with a happy face? well, i started with a happy one... but follow on, i can't make myself go on laughing... coz my heart tells me: "i miss her".... and i look like some dead fish at the cafe cartel... was kinda freak out when i reach home without my ring... was pale!!! do u know how much i miss u? DO U! and do u know how much i love u? u doubt my love for u again and again... but i dun mind... but u dun even sense how i love u... tats wad break my heart the most! u said u dun wanna care, and u even call me to find someone else... is that wad u really wanted to tell me? or u just tell me out of a sudden without thinking... everytime, after i say something bad... i'll never fail to come back to comfort u... coz i know its my fault... and this time... its the same.. i just wanna say that i will never change the way i treat u... and i'll keep protecting u. even if i say something bad to u, i dun mean it... and YOU know that! but u choose to be angry with me... its ok:)

"i won't leave u till the day u ask me to..." - u remember?

this is wad i've said... well, until now, i'm daring enuff to say that i won't want to leave u... coz in my heart you're always here - <3... but, guess that ur <3 is no longer fill up by me... rite? no feelings felt by u... i know that these words that i'm saying now hurts... and it hurts me too... do u think i live happily for these 10 days? do u think i enjoyed my life? with the naggings, the love, the kisses and the huggs that are missing... and do u know how i try to make myself feel better everynite be4 i sleep? i have to replay the recordings of ur voices... and replay again and again... be4 i can really sleep in comfort... u should think that how pathetic my life is...rite? well, u should be thinking that my life has been fabulous rite? going out with girls? going to paragoon to find the 2 girls... finding cheryl at taka... going out with some other girls to frens house... ya? I DUN!.. coz i know u're my 1 and only... i dun miss u... coz i miss u crazily... i dun love u... coz i love u crazily and i miss and love u with my whole heart... but u dun feel it... i dun know u can't feel it or u dun wan to feel it... well, wadever i wanna say is all here... u want to reply me or not is simply up to u... i've said wadever i can say. and i'm pretty sorry tat i didn't talk to u nicely in the 1st place...

GOD BLESS U... and i love YOU honey:) hope u can feel my love... and how much i miss u...
goodbye my sweetheart, ur always loving ming.<3