life have been uneasy

thinking back to the past... its been 18 yrs that i have lived all these years... and yesh... my life has been an exciting one:) well, if any parents could read wad i've wrote here... and feel how a child at the age of 18 could feel... and not to repeat wad u parents will do to ur children in future... or even NOW! as for wad i really want to say is, parents should really have to let their child expose to almost everything on earth when the reach the age of being a teenager... becoz that is when, where they really need to expose themselves to the outside world rather than being lock up at home, just like finishing school and having a certain time that u need to report back home... not late at nite... but RIGHT AFTER UR SCHOOL! is this wad a student should do when he reaches his education in poly? well, i do spend my money... and i earn them my own... i wouldn't mind giving it them all to my parents... coz i think they should have the money... but they still dun understand.... treating me like some stupid fool that doesn't know wad to do and wad to buy for myself... and thinks that i'm a KIDD... well, looking at the people i know... they're so different as wad i am... i simply can't match the society.... i feel that i'm lacked behind... i dun have my own rights.... i dun know.... dun know why i would say all these... but wad i feel now is totally upsetting....

i feel to have a place of my own... i choose to live alone.... i choose to do things my own....
i need some peace.... wad i would like to hear when i'm tired or stressed is only comforting words.. but why can't u give me comfort rather than arguing with me that i'm wrong and stuff.... why do u keep thinking that its me who started everything... why do u think is always me who is WRONG... i feel like **** (where u can find in the toilet bowl) people say i'm obey my parents and i'm a good person like that... well, u guys never know wad's happening behind the sence....

today, had a wonderful dinner with honey right after my school... then went home at around 9-10pm... came home and only big sis was at home... then after that mum came back... and cousin was here too:) then talk and chatted for not long... then they left home... and i was in my room revising my homework... then mum came in and ask me question and talk to me about my CCA... i mean, i myself is 18! and i know what i like to join... i'll give it a try first.. then see if i'm interested to take part for long... and she keeps thinking that i take part in 4 to 5 CCA in one go! i was telling her : "mum, can u use ur brain? think first... i myself know how to think... dun need u to tell me wad to do..." why am i so rude, its not becoz i want to... but i just hate the way she talk to me without using her sense.... she thinks that i'm so stupid to take part in 3 to 4 CCA in a week and then neglect my studies... well, i'm not that stupid rite? can't stand her nagging and nagging... its like how old already! and i dun wanna get look down becoz of like that... u guys may think that i'm still rude to my mum... but if u experience wad i have... u'll know the pain...

Mum should encourage their children at times when they're upset and feeling down...
Mum should give their children their fullest support if their children is doing something right....
Mum should be understanding to think of when & wad to talk to their children and not nagging at them...

i myself lead a pathetic life!

i feel more strange being with my family than with my frenx... i feel more comfort staying out with the ones that understands me... well, i'm sure i'll really end up running away from home...


i wanna run away to a place where none of my family members know and care.... i just wanna shut myself out of the world.... life has never been easy....

but at least honey brightens up my day still:) u brighten up my day, but my mum shuts it off totally... i'm sorry....
*crying alone..................

no one can feel like how i do...
no one can know wads happening...
no one is allowed to ask... coz i myself dun wish to talk about it....


keeping myself locked up in a corner, dark and quiet.....
goodnitex tatas...