"baby" - why would i start calling this name? i find it so strong in this person i love... and i would want to call her baby on and on... becoz of the extreme love for this person, i would really feel like running out of the house and look for her yesterday as i had a huge blow quarrel with mum and 2 sisters(one at overseas and another at home) i tried explaining to them that the person i loved for more than a year is truthful and is not playing... i told mum that i love this girl for more than a year... and i'm expecting to go on loving her... but she demanded that if u insist on going with a relationship with her now, she would not just object, she would just ask me to quit school... school has been an important issue to me... i had to perform to the family's expectations... and yet they force me to dead end... mum had to threaten me with wad she said... she said she would find ways to find her out... but i insist in her doing so... and wad was on my mind was only, dun disturb her and u have no rights to, leave her ALONE!!! mum searched my room and she found out the letters and postcard baby wrote to me in the beginning... she was angry of coz.. and when i came back from school i quarrelled with her again... it was tough as i didn't had any appetite from last nite till today... but i held myself through and i bang the table in the end and stop her from taking all the letters away... becoz she took away a letter wrote by baby... and i didn't manage to get it back... but not now anymore... i claim them back in any means and i told them how important they are to me... and they're just like a part of my body... i love this girl with my whole heart and its only you that spoil everything... and dad came out and talk to me... becoz he knew about it too... dad given me a chance... and i cried talking loudly to mum... becoz i finally told her the truth that i need to say out wad i want to... and not always her telling me wad to do as i myself have my own privacy and rights... i told them i myself also have my own privacy... they can't search my things without my permission... but mum didn't cared... but in the end, i took everything back... becoz i found out wad i have lost someone so important that i dun want to lose something of hers... as i cherish every of wad she has given to me... and i can't afford to lose any of them anymore... those letters can only be the last thing that i can have back as they mean really much to me...
i may have lost the person i love, but if its for her own good, i will... and i wouldn't want the one i loved most being hurt more badly in the end.. she may have left becoz she thinks that i've given up on her... i knew she would think that way:) but i won't want to stop her... becoz she really deserve someone better... but as i look at the couples in the buses and mrt, i feel so triggered... so painful that wad if one day i see her with someone else... how would i feel??? i know i'm selfish but maybe by then i'll just turn away and run to somewhere to cry... but it was i'm the one who gave up... i had to bear with wad tats gonna happen... as i type every word out, my tears roll... and its hard to let go someone i really love... but i should say all these by now... i just want everyone of you to know that i, yap enming still loves her... even if she's not mine now, i will stil love her in my heart... becoz loving her in my heart is better any other thing else... i may sound like some hero in a story... but please take note that i'm not trying to do anything for her.. but i just want to say wad my heart tells me to...
i maybe a wimp**... but i have never fail to protect you from my mum...
i'm sorry to each and everyone of her family, frens and close ones...
and perhaps my last time using baby, baby...
"family comes first", is this quote real or just a myth... family seems like a threat somehow... and i really wish i had nothing... i dun want any special treatment from the family... i just want to be enming... thats all...
anger and saddness is something that keeps shivering inside of me... and tml there's a match for me... and the only way to cure these symptoms is by using physical... and makes myself drained off easily... but i have never wanted her to drained away emotionally... as i really want to love her as much as i can... i shall end it off here by letting her go as i no longer able to look after her as much as before... but i promise i'll watch over her secretly...
those letters and postcard will be kept safely by me and i won't want anyone to do anything to them...
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