telling the truth

telling the truth through the bottom of my heart, i feel pain and upset over myself...

it wasn't the matter of understanding... it wasn't you....
it was me... being stupid... being silly... being poisoned...

yesterday nite was real bad...
i was shit to have felt that way...
and how it must have felt if someone close to me, like ber, etc...
i apologised. i'm sorry.
let me tell you why its brought up.
becoz of conversation with friends while training.
"ex-girlfriend" - this topic was brought up itself.
it was terrible, but just have to endure it.
becoz nobody knows about me so much.
and end up the arrow came shooting back at me.
nobody knows and no-one felt it.
its kept deep within in here<3...

people asked relationship;
Ming?! why don't get yourself started with one?

becoz i've had enough of it?
becoz i've my own reason?
becoz i've been through something upsetting...

and my coach asked;
enming? what about you? seems like you've been through alot in a relationship. where's the girl u were with that time during tournament?

can u know how it felt and how to reply?
it felt shit alright! and it felt nothing but really shit... laugh at me for all u want and dun say why am i so fierce to knock the teammates down to the ground during the training game.

i maybe quiet in training, but i'm not physically weak.

and wad do i get in return?
i feel shag, exhausted, etc.

thats why i end up being pissed with my past and pissed with myself...
its already almost gone. and you dig it out back to the surface.
but now, i feel better now... saying wad i want to say...

her name is never gonna exist anymore...
not in my mind, not in my heart, and never in future...
she's just a memory..
just a picture to review..
and never to recover...

i just hate that few days of the way i felt. a total disgrace. and total pain caused.
i felt bad for someone whose close to me. i'm sorry.

and i'm definitely not someone to hold on, or to cherish...
i dun want to be selfish...
i choose to let you know that relationship breaks easily, and friendship stays forever..
and if you ask me. i will still reject you. becoz i know its for the better.

i hope readers dun get angry with me after all.. and especially you. you know who i;m refering to(: (seeking for understanding)