somehow i felt butterflies all around my heart and stomach... hahas:) you knew that words doesn't really comes out as wad it should be... becoz to not to let you all worry so much:) but i'll be fine:) thats wad i will always say:) hahaha... but just dun worry so much ok? things will be fine... and i kept praying now and then...
how do you feel when your cousins and closest aunt doesn't talk as much to you... and doesn't share things with you anymore? yesterday, went out with cousin's family and my aunt... they came over to my house first becoz brother cousin wei hong came back from NS... then aunt met us for dinner outside... so we went out together.. inside the car, i didn't talk... and i knew that i won't be able to... aunt and cousins didn't talk to me... but instead gave ideas of not wanting to talk to me... becoz they knew wad happen to me that recent days... and they were utterly disappointed with me... why is it my fault? the only one that supports me was my cousin's dad... and he said, at times, u feel that everything is pushing against you... just try to remain calm and trust need time to be rebuild... i lie to my family thats wad they're disappointed... during dinner, no one looked at me, and when i called out aunt, my cousins to eat... they ignored and they didn't say anything but just dine in... how would you feel when u're there all alone... sitting at a corner, feeling like not a part of the family... well, i find it hard to accept.. but before i sat down to had my dinner, i prayed... i pray to God, "if they choose not to talk to me, i accept wad they're doing to me... i just want peace... no matter how cold they treat me, i understand... and i'll accept it..."
after dinner, they went to NTUC to shop, and i didn't went in with them, instead i walk out to somewhere else, wonder around aimlessly... and looking down from the highest floor of a carpark, looking at scenery to feel better... and it did when sarah's message came right in time... thank you sarah... i felt lonely, but i'm alright:)
i feel happy with who i am... i just hate my mum... i dun know why... never came across anyone that hate their mum... but me... haha... she was the one who tell aunt and cousin about wad happen... and why she has to? is this a way to care for me??? she tells cousin and aunt is becoz she wants them to know how bad i am... and when she's in front of them, she treat me like nothing has happen... and when she reach home, she showed me attitude... she's not caring at all.. and i wouldn't want her to... i would say that i no longer feel anything for my mum.. i felt like disowning my family so much! but i miss my dad... daddy was the only person i love so so much in the family... without him there'll be no me... and mum has nothing to do in my living... is only dad supports my education only... i'll remember so much that dad did so much for me, and mum will only know how to talk... i was too silly to believe her... daddy stayed by my side when i was down... even yesterday's dinner, he sat beside me, take food for me... i felt in the whole world, he's just the best daddy... without him, i feel like there's no one that i can live for...
well, even though its hard to live in this world, i wouldn't give up... no matter how hard mum trys to hurt me, i'll still stand tall and be who i am... no matter how, enming will still be happy when he's outside with frens:) and he feels best with frens:) family = daddy:) i thank you dad:) u may be disappointed with me, but i'll not let u down the next time...
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